What's up with the curve balls lately?
I mean, normally everything is pretty straight forward and dead on, but not lately. I have been questioning everything lately! My head is in so many different directions. I go one way, over think it, then attempt another. I think I have everything so spot on, and then I don't.
I'm starting to really struggle with my major change. I haven't gone to change it yet because letting go of acting and theater is letting go of everything I've been for almost 10 years... And I'm afraid of what I will be without it. So I'm really frustrated with that lately.
And I'm really sick of feelings. They need to go away. I feel like I'm in the saying 'when one door closes another one opens.' but I'm facing my back to the open door and banging on the door that shut...
I'm really lost in myself and don't really know what I'm doing. I really just, want to be somewhere else, doing something else... Seeing something else.
Within the next week or two I'm making a hair appointment and changing my reflection... I need to see something new. I need something new.
I guess this is step one...
I'll figure it out.
I'm just tired of curve balls..
-Alexa Starky
So you'll probably have no idea who this is, but I've been reading your blog since day one. We've never been close. We've hung out a few times and unfortunately, I've never told you how nice you are. You are an amazing person. You are full of courage and determination and I commend you for posting about your "Mission to Change" for everyone to see. It must be hard, but as a completely random stranger, I just want to say to you- never ever ever give up. You have so much to offer the world. Society sucks sometimes, but do NOT let it get you down. You are everything I wish to be in the future. Maybe one day I will start up a blog and open up my heart to other people like you did. Don't stop writing, because it's nice to see some real raw emotion in this world because everyone hides it. You give me hope for myself. Thank you, Alexa.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, who is this?! truly thank you. It's so hard but just hearing some sort of encouragement keeps it going. I'm dying to know who this is, lets just hang out sometime! Whoever you are lol
ReplyDeleteYou're more than welcome girl. I went to high school with you but I'm too shy to say who this is because I feel like you dislike me for being rude in the past. But it's crazy how much a few months can change a person, and looking back, I feel disgusted with myself and want to let you know that you are GORGEOUS. Seriously. Inside and out. You were hysterical in ALL of the drama plays and are just an awesome person to talk to. Maybe soon I'll send you a message on FB or something and we can talk about stuff! I know right now seems rough (trust me I've been there!) but just keep swimming..just keep swimming. Work, school, drama- you've got this shit. Your life is only starting to begin, there's endless possibilities to where it might lead and nothing is impossible. :) Don't ever sell yourself short.
ReplyDeleteI know that it is difficult to take the first step into a new life. When I left for Flagstaff I left behind almost everything and everyone that I care about. Just know that you are not alone. There is a whole group of people ready and willing to catch you if you start to fall. The earlier comments and all of the others like it are proof of that. You are a role model to a lot of people and if you hold on to that you can do anything. I would also like to remind you that changing your major does not mean that you can never take the stage again. There are community theaters everywhere that would be lucky to have you. If acting is truly your passion then you will always find a way to keep it part of your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tabitha. And to the other anonymous, please don't be afraid to send me a message sometime. You're all just incredible and I really don't know where I'd be without these comments or let alone my blog. Forever grateful.
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