I Think Too Much At Night

Well, it's officially passed 1 in the morning. Meaning I go into thinking mode.
Not only has this been a terrible week in itself, but it's also the last month of my freshman year of college...
I had food poisoning earlier in the week, so, that was an absolute hell hole in itself.

Then earlier today, we put my dog Reeses down... It was time for him to go. But I'm so sad and trying to stay so positive. But not having him around me is the strangest feeling. I know he is in a better place. RIP baby <3

And then, icing on this cake of the week, it's 1 A.M. and I'm thinking... I hate when I do this.
Not only am I missing my dog, getting over being sick, and all this crap, but I also am LOADED with homework. I have so much due this next week it's madness. And I just have no desire or motivation to do it.. Hopefully it will change tomorrow. This is a typical college student problem, so hopefully some can relate. Stop being hard, College!

But my head is just all over the place..

I think it's getting to a point where I'm tired of being patient... I know I only have a year or 2 left here, but I feel like I need to get away yet AGAIN! I'm frustrated with where I am that I always feel like I need to get away. This isn't a way to live... I'm hoping by the time I turn 20 (less than a year) I'll just know what I'm doing...

Someone inside me is telling me to stay acting. There is a hole in my stomach thinking about leaving it behind and changing my major. I STILL haven't gone to change my major... I'm a mess about it. A complete mess...

I've never felt so conflicted.

And the most frustrating part... The ONLY person I want to talk to about any of this, randomly abandoned me about a month ago. I still don't know where you are Steven, but I freaking think about you every single day... And I don't know what to do or why....

Why do the ones with the biggest hearts get the most beatings?
Something has to change....

- Alexa Starky

I will miss you everyday Reeses. My heart is broken and I will always keep you with me. I love you so much...