How many times to I have to walk by?
How many more times do I have to smile?
How much more often do I have to go to the gym?
How much more weight do I have to lose?..
How much more..?
I feel like it's my weight that is the only thing to blame. All the issues I have, I blame on my weight. It sucks. Because I've lost a lot and I feel like it isn't enough. Every bad thing, I point at my weight.
Every good thing, I point at the weight I've lost. It's ALL about weight.
It's like a drug. Having to lose and lose and lose just to get accepted. To feel happy about myself.
I feel like the pressure of prom and all that has really made it worse.
But, I feel like nothing will ever be good enough. I look at people and say 'We can't be together because I'm fat..'
Who wants to live like that? Just keep figuring that I need to lose more. And then lose more. And then lose even more.
I really don't want that to get worse.
It's already bad enough...
Give me motivation..?
-Alexa Starky
Lexi,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was your age I lost 80 lbs on a drastic and dangerous diet. I was thin for the first time in my life and thought...FINALLY I will be accepted, I will get the guy, I will feel wonderful.
But......when I didn't get the guy, didn't feel accepted and didn't feel wonderful, I actually felt worse then when I was overweight because I just didn't get it.
I kept asking myself and wondering, 'What's wrong with ME??' If I couldn't blame the weight then I was stuck feeling like I was defective...and it was devestating...truly devestating.
As a result of these feelings, I starting gaining weight....and eventually got heavier than ever.
I had to learn to love and especially accept myself with or without weight. Trust me when I tell you that loosing weight is not the cure. It is great in many ways...but all of the things you wrote in this post will not be cured once you loose all of the weight.
Instead, be proud of how you are treating your body. Enjoy the positive strokes. Know that you are getting healthier and are treating your body with the respect it deserves.
I hope these words help you understand the truth of your experience.
I am in awe of you....I really am.
Love,
Mom
Alexa, almost everyday i head you say the words "im going to the gym" and i think, holy crap again!? it seems so impossible! but you do it and you have always inspired me form day one but now more than every i think your changing your life! it makes me want to get out and walk and join a gym! you are not only inspiring me but people at are school and i have noticed you have had more crushes lately and lots of people have been eyeing you! things are changing for you, and you may not see it but others can i know i can! i love you so much and i have to thank you for inspiring me! i go to weoight watchers and you dont and you lose more weight than me! its amazing truely amazing! i know one day when your forty and go dang i really changed my life, and moms story is also very true. you look really great but your personality is what draws people so close to you whether your skinny or not, so many love you and so many more will too. were always here for you! love love love you mostest! -jaclyn
ReplyDelete:') I love you guys! SO much.
ReplyDeleteAlexa at 40......hmmmm things that make you think. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and such an inspiration. I wish that you could see yourself as a lot of people do see you and that is HOT! You are one of the funniest people that I know and you have such a good heart! What you are doing is amazing but you shouldn't have to change for the people who think badly of you. We all love you for who you are and one day you will too. Us prom dateless chicas got to stick together!!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I know what you mean. There are MANY guys out there and they are gorgeous! But, as my friends used to say, if he doesn't like YOU for who YOU are, then he is not worth it.
ReplyDeleteLast year, I thought for sure I was going to get a boyfriend because I am now in high school! I don't know why I thought that, but it was a way to get my motivation up. Anyways, no guys liked me for me, and that really depressed me. I thought I was an outstanding girl with an amazing personality! But, no. Guys are too selfish. They want the pretty, sexy girls who think of other people as rats on the streets. They will always be like that until they are mature.
Now, since no guy liked me, I gave up on trying. I put on sweat pants almost everyday, and I didn't bother trying to make myself look pretty because I thought it was over. I was lazy and unorganized and I realized that wasn't who I was. I was a perky girl who was everyones friend! So, I changed. I didn't care about guys! I was all focus on my friends and my education, because those things were important.
With all my energy focused on the important aspects of life, I was free! Until I met a guy. He was the sweetest thing! AND he loved me for who I am..
My point is.. is that its better to wait for guys to come to you. Don't go to guys.
You are such an inspiration to people! You have changed my life so far. I've joined weight watchers! What you are doing with your life is amazing! YOU have guts. Don't give up on guys, because (seriously) if they don't like you for your amazing self, then its NOT worth it.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
-Kristen