When someone says 'I have amazing friends' that is, SUCH an understatement for me.
My friends raised the bar yesterday throwing me a surprise party! It was one of the best nights of my life. I never felt so special. It was that 'everyone was thinking about me tonight' happy stomach feeling. I couldn't have asked for a better night.
However, I came home and started to cry. And, I honestly had no idea why. I have been having these odd dreams that make me confused in the morning. My mood switches so quickly. I can go from SO happy to tears in a matter of minutes..and I don't know why.
After I got home, I felt so special but I felt so alone.
My life changed this year, a lot. I became friends with new people, I am planning the next stage in life, and I've just been seeing things differently..
I think the big issue here, for me, is that everything is changing, except the one thing I want to change. Me. My exterior. I seem happy to my friends, and if they are reading this, I am. But not like I should be.
I'm tired of looking at pictures of me saying 'this picture would look SO much better if I was thinner..'
So, I decided I am going to keep going to the gym and stay on weight watchers but I am thinking of getting the lap band. Might as well tell everyone. I mean, this is my truth blog and I want people to know what I am thinking and feeling.
But, I have been looking into it since last year. And now that I am 18 and on a doctor monitored diet, I am really getting serious about it. It doesn't take the weight off suddenly. It just monitors what you eat and how portions work and I think it would really help me out.
Of course afterward I will keep going with weight watchers and working out as if I didn't get it but I just need it. I wanted to do this the natural way, but honestly, it is so much easier said than done.
I just want that happy-feel-good feeling again. I used to have that but I really haven't lately.
Let me know what you all think of my choice. My purpose for this blog is to hear your ideas and let me know what you are thinking. Please no negativity, that is the last thing I need. But I do want to know what is going on in the minds I care so much about.
Thank you.
-Alexa Starky
I have also thought about getting the lap band but I dont think it is right for me but everyone is different! If you feel that it is the right thing for you and that it will help you to be a more amazing person then you already are then what do you have to lose other than weight?! I say go for it, it can only improve your life, do what makes YOU happy and ignore others judgements! I love you and completely know what you go through everyday with the struggle of weight loss as do I. I am here for you always!!
ReplyDeleteLove, Brittany Bottema :)
Thank you soo much Brittany :)
ReplyDeleteAlexa, as a friend I'm there for you with whatever choice you make. I think that the only person who knows whats best for someone is themselves. So whatever choice you make I will back you up 100%. :) I understand the whole struggle with weight loss also, I have a bad relationship with food that I can't seem to break off. haha, but I'm there for you through whatever decision YOU feel is bestest:)
ReplyDeleteMy Dear Alexa,
ReplyDeleteI could not be prouder of you and I love reading about what is on your heart in your blog! I commend you for thinking so long and hard about choices you are making in your life. Struggles with weight loss are so amazingly hard and having struggles with it myself I know what you are feeling! You have to do what is best for YOU and I will stand behind you no matter what you decide!! I have heard good things about the lapband system and I want to encourage you to keep strong and know you are not walking this walk alone...I and many others are here for you whenever you need us! YOU Alexa are AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL so keep you head up and know I love you!
Lexipro....
ReplyDeleteYou know that I know your struggle all too well and I actually feel comfort in knowing that there is a way for you to get help with controlling your weight...and if that help comes from a tiny pastic band around your stomach then so be it! I am so proud of you for sticking with weight watchers..even during the harder weeks...and sticking with Fran to help you with all of the feelings you are going through and will continue to go through. You are doing everything right and I know that it will all work out for you as a result. I just want you to be happy and healthy and live a full and free and beautiful life. Keep on keeping on gorgeous! I have your back always!
Love you forever and ever...
Momma!
Your words are truely inspring. :) I love reading this. And you are definitely not alone. I'm with you all the way.
ReplyDelete