I can't wait anymore.
I am almost 4 months into this 6 month long wait to get the lap band and I can't take another day without it..
I went to my therapist today and she told me to close my eyes and imagine myself at a party as myself. Then to imagine a thinner me and how the 2 people differed.
I was happier and I felt pretty thin. And now I feel like a gross piece of garbage.
What teenager deserves feeling like this?..
I keep doing research about this lap band and the more I learn the more I want it. I want it so badly..
I REALLY wish people could experience being over weight for one day and see how their life changes. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so shitty looking like this.
Everyone should get a taste of this medicine...
I just don't want it anymore..I don't want to look like this anymore...
Why can't January just be here?...
I want my life back.
I want my personality back.
I want me back.
-Alexa Starky..
My Lexi.....
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how it feels to grow up feeling less than others, feeling judged by others, not being able to shop at regular stores, hating what I saw in the mirror, having a hard time putting on my shoes, not being able to do a lot of things due to my body. It is unfair and miserable and it breaks my heart to know you are going through it too.
BUT...the biggest difference between you and I is that you have an option for a way out! For this I am incredibly joyful for you as you deserve to be comfortable in your body and not judged as soon as you walk into a door. :)
You are SO freaking beautiful in every way and if this is what you need to truly feel it, then I support your decision for the lap band. Some of us just have such a difficult time 'getting there' any other way. I know you are trying to make changes and that you have to keep on developing those skills because even with the band...you will have to work just as hard to keep weight off...trust me this I know!
For now, focus on getting healthy, eating healthy, working out, getting motivated for that life-altering experience. We will start the process there and in maing some appointments but you cannot give up now! This is all a part of the process and you are in it right now. :)
I love you my daughter-friend and am always here by your side every step of the way throughout your life.
Momma