The past 3 years have been the most incredible adventure for me. I've grown in more ways than I ever could have imagined. This blog gave me a pathway and a meaning in a life I was giving up on. It allowed me to express myself in ways I never thought possible. It kept me motivated to make a change and give a voice to the other over weight teenage girls out there who went through the same problems I did. With the bullies, the health issues, and everything that comes with the complicated lifestyle I dealt with for 20 years, it all came together in this blog.
In this blog I dealt with my first love, my first heartbreak, rejection, my first real goal, a lot of firsts. And this, is my last.
As my readers know, I finally was approved for surgery and went through with it on November 20th, only a few weeks ago. I don't think I have ever felt so good about myself. And for once in my life, I feel like I am getting somewhere. I'm feeling healthier, I'm comfortable in my body which I have never felt before, and I am in a better place mentally.
I feel like the blog is just a crutch now. It was a place I could vent and express the words I was too afraid to in public. I'm a happier Alexa. I feel like this mission is outdated and I don't need it anymore. I won't be writing publicly any longer.
I can't even explain how grateful I am for what came of this blog, and the people who surround it. I've become closer with my friends, I was able to share a part of me I never thought I could with everyone. I started talking to people I never thought I would. And I feel like I am at such a positive place, that it is a good time to say goodbye.
Of course, Facebook will be a good place for big updates on my progression. But in the long run, this is for me, and no one else. And the worrying about anonymous opinions and the need to explain myself, isn't a priority anymore.
I'm finally in love with myself. This life change came at a perfect time in my life. I know it's cheesy but, this blog definitely saved my life. I was so trapped in my own mind before this place, and getting the opportunity to let people into my view of life was the best thing the last 3 years brought to me.
Maybe one day I'll want to write again. But that will be a whole new blog, and a whole other chapter in my life. Thank you readers for supporting me and being my backbone as I grew up and matured.
It was rough, but it was a time I will never forget.
With all my love,
Alexa Starky.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Magnifying the Big Picture
Hello everyone. It's been awhile and not much has happened to be honest.
But, the comments on my last blog really had me thinking.
An anonymous person decided to inform me on why it is I am overweight. While the content was realistic and according to a doctors charts indeed true, telling me that I'm sending myself to an early grave really didn't help, nor did it make me feel any better.
To the anonymous person, thank you for your advice, but all it really did was depress me more and have me vent to my therapist about you a bit.
I see my therapist every single week. We have pretty much come to the conclusion that, well, I'm a little fucked up in the head. Being bullied my entire life and emotional eating was last weeks discussion. And we managed to really root it down to where it all began and how it led to here. There were many tears, tons of frustration, some hatred, but a real release. It was something so deep inside me, that I managed to hide it under denial, hate, pain, food, and fake smiles...
I am so good at fake smiles. I am quick on my feet, always have been. And I just managed to let all the sadness get pushed deep down. When my therapist managed to get her metaphorical shovel out and tear me a new one, I was able to walk out of her office and breathe.
While it still kills me that I remember the little boy in 4th grade, and the bitchy popular girls who would make fun of my leg fat in 5th and 6th grade, it isn't sitting inside me still like it used to.
What my friends, family, and bullies didn't know was I had major emotional eating problems. I grew up in an environment where we ate to calm ourselves, and we had to eat the entire plate or we couldn't leave the table. My whole family eats to ease emotion, and I learned how to do it at a very young age. I grew up thinking that 'full' was sick to my stomach, can't fit anymore food kind of full. And it really effected how I grew up eating, and exactly why I'd want to eat in the first place. Every time I'd get called names or would get laughed at, I would binge on any food I could possibly get to. I ate so much, every day, for years. When I moved to Paradise Valley and found out I was going to my very first public school, I ate a ridiculous amount of calories every day that summer because I was freaking out inside, and I went to a new school, with new people, at a young age, fatter than I've ever been. That caused me to get bullied even more later causing me to eat even more. This didn't happen because I was lazy and just wanted McDonalds everyday. It happened because I was a sad child who didn't know any better.
I talked to my therapist about this for a long time. We dug deep and it became a positive release, and I don't feel like I'm carrying that burden on my shoulders like I used to. I can breathe.
Well... sort of. My sister and I have noticed that my breathing hasn't been too grand lately. And we later realized that my tonsils were freakishly huge. They were so huge it became a chore to breathe. So, today while I was at work, I couldn't catch a deep breath. So, I left early and headed to the ER for some help. They gave me some medicine to take away the swelling and I will have to get my tonsils removed. Yay for that. So there is another thing to add to my list.
My birthday was last week. It's crazy that I am 20 years old. I decided it was my "I'm not 19 anymore birthday." Because 19 SUCKED!!! I'm excited for what age 20 has to offer!
Now, about that one pretty important thing coming up, meaning my gastric sleeve surgery. It has been a LONG 3 months, but I am done with my primary care diet and maintenance, and everything I need is turned into insurance. So, I should be hearing from my insurance/surgeon soon about my surgery date.
It is becoming more and more real. I am really glad I've followed my instinct and have gotten to this point. I've been eating better, doing productive things during the day, and trying to get out of this emotional distress lull, if you will. I'm trying to run whenever possible, I might be getting myself a treadmill! YAY! And while I'm trying to get my doggies in shape, I'm doing the same for myself.
The only way I know how to end this post is basically by talking once more about the anonymous notes again... I don't know who that person was. But, if it wasn't anonymous, was a little more sympathetic with some sort of understanding that this isn't just weight anymore, it is me as a person and my emotional heath as well as my physical health, it would have been some good criticism and I would have taken it to heart. But, telling me that I am sending myself to an early grave, and pointing fingers and facts at me that I've heard my entire life wasn't helpful in the least bit.
I took it very personally and offensively. I'd appreciate knowing who it was so we can talk about it or have some sort of understanding. If not, I won't let it effect me or my decisions.
I'm excited for what is about to come my way. I sadly don't depend on this blog anymore....
With that being said, I will be deleting (or maybe just not using anymore) this blog. I decided that after surgery I will make a brand new blog. I will leave these problems behind me. I don't want to look back and see my break up with Eian, my heartaches, my old memories. I'm turning into a new person! I want a new start. So, I will keep you all posted on that!
I am definitely learning as I go... and I just keep going.
-Alexa Starky
But, the comments on my last blog really had me thinking.
An anonymous person decided to inform me on why it is I am overweight. While the content was realistic and according to a doctors charts indeed true, telling me that I'm sending myself to an early grave really didn't help, nor did it make me feel any better.
To the anonymous person, thank you for your advice, but all it really did was depress me more and have me vent to my therapist about you a bit.
I see my therapist every single week. We have pretty much come to the conclusion that, well, I'm a little fucked up in the head. Being bullied my entire life and emotional eating was last weeks discussion. And we managed to really root it down to where it all began and how it led to here. There were many tears, tons of frustration, some hatred, but a real release. It was something so deep inside me, that I managed to hide it under denial, hate, pain, food, and fake smiles...
I am so good at fake smiles. I am quick on my feet, always have been. And I just managed to let all the sadness get pushed deep down. When my therapist managed to get her metaphorical shovel out and tear me a new one, I was able to walk out of her office and breathe.
While it still kills me that I remember the little boy in 4th grade, and the bitchy popular girls who would make fun of my leg fat in 5th and 6th grade, it isn't sitting inside me still like it used to.
What my friends, family, and bullies didn't know was I had major emotional eating problems. I grew up in an environment where we ate to calm ourselves, and we had to eat the entire plate or we couldn't leave the table. My whole family eats to ease emotion, and I learned how to do it at a very young age. I grew up thinking that 'full' was sick to my stomach, can't fit anymore food kind of full. And it really effected how I grew up eating, and exactly why I'd want to eat in the first place. Every time I'd get called names or would get laughed at, I would binge on any food I could possibly get to. I ate so much, every day, for years. When I moved to Paradise Valley and found out I was going to my very first public school, I ate a ridiculous amount of calories every day that summer because I was freaking out inside, and I went to a new school, with new people, at a young age, fatter than I've ever been. That caused me to get bullied even more later causing me to eat even more. This didn't happen because I was lazy and just wanted McDonalds everyday. It happened because I was a sad child who didn't know any better.
I talked to my therapist about this for a long time. We dug deep and it became a positive release, and I don't feel like I'm carrying that burden on my shoulders like I used to. I can breathe.
Well... sort of. My sister and I have noticed that my breathing hasn't been too grand lately. And we later realized that my tonsils were freakishly huge. They were so huge it became a chore to breathe. So, today while I was at work, I couldn't catch a deep breath. So, I left early and headed to the ER for some help. They gave me some medicine to take away the swelling and I will have to get my tonsils removed. Yay for that. So there is another thing to add to my list.
My birthday was last week. It's crazy that I am 20 years old. I decided it was my "I'm not 19 anymore birthday." Because 19 SUCKED!!! I'm excited for what age 20 has to offer!
Now, about that one pretty important thing coming up, meaning my gastric sleeve surgery. It has been a LONG 3 months, but I am done with my primary care diet and maintenance, and everything I need is turned into insurance. So, I should be hearing from my insurance/surgeon soon about my surgery date.
It is becoming more and more real. I am really glad I've followed my instinct and have gotten to this point. I've been eating better, doing productive things during the day, and trying to get out of this emotional distress lull, if you will. I'm trying to run whenever possible, I might be getting myself a treadmill! YAY! And while I'm trying to get my doggies in shape, I'm doing the same for myself.
The only way I know how to end this post is basically by talking once more about the anonymous notes again... I don't know who that person was. But, if it wasn't anonymous, was a little more sympathetic with some sort of understanding that this isn't just weight anymore, it is me as a person and my emotional heath as well as my physical health, it would have been some good criticism and I would have taken it to heart. But, telling me that I am sending myself to an early grave, and pointing fingers and facts at me that I've heard my entire life wasn't helpful in the least bit.
I took it very personally and offensively. I'd appreciate knowing who it was so we can talk about it or have some sort of understanding. If not, I won't let it effect me or my decisions.
I'm excited for what is about to come my way. I sadly don't depend on this blog anymore....
With that being said, I will be deleting (or maybe just not using anymore) this blog. I decided that after surgery I will make a brand new blog. I will leave these problems behind me. I don't want to look back and see my break up with Eian, my heartaches, my old memories. I'm turning into a new person! I want a new start. So, I will keep you all posted on that!
I am definitely learning as I go... and I just keep going.
-Alexa Starky
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
My Most Personal Post. Bare With Me.
I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep in weeks. I just sit and stare at the dark ceiling all night until I finally pass out. My dreams are strange and complicated, but I remember every detail of them lately. I wake up confused and quite frankly sad, because my dreams are more exciting than my life right now.
I am going through a strange time. I am not where I thought I would be. And it's sad that everything I went through, led me to this spot right now.
Thinking about my surgery I will undergo, both excites me, and depresses the hell out of me. Who wants to cut their stomach out at 20 years old??? Who is that desperate? All my life I was overweight, and all my life I was bullied for it.
When I was in 4th grade, a kid told me I shook the bus....
Freshman year I walked into a McDonalds and kids from my school loudly coughed 'fat' as I walked by.
All my life I felt different and ugly... Guys say that girls are stupid and naive because we call them jerks. Well honestly, I'll stop calling you jerks when you stop staring at me like I'm the elephant in the room... literally.
I can't even walk into a sushi restaurant in Scottsdale because I feel like I'm literally drowning in beautiful people. I feel... so ugly. And as much as my friends and family tell me otherwise, how can you not believe what you've heard from people all your life? When social media and society is telling you RIGHT TO YOUR FACE that you aren't good enough, and don't fit in, how are you supposed to feel? It's like being rejected by your entire society...
I didn't want to be here. I have tried everything in my power to lose this weight... I've done everything! Weight Watchers, miracle pills, working out everyday, vegetable diets, protein diets, liquid diets, no eating diets, throwing your food up diet....
I feel like a failure...
I didn't want to be here.... I don't want to be me...
I act happy with my friends, and sometimes I really am happy. But, I am really good at hiding my feelings and really good at faking a smile.
I am taking medication for this depression, and I am depressed about that! It is a never ending circle and I can't stop going around and around and around and I feel like there is no end and it is killing me and exhausting me and all I ever want to do is give up because nothing is working!
After all of this venting, I hope it proves how anxious and excited I am to get surgery. Firstly, to help with my medical problems... But to finally feel that looking at myself won't be such a chore. I need this...
And I just need my friends to be patient with me... Because I'm not myself. And if you're reading this, PLEASE, all I ask is to just help me enjoy my time right now. Help me laugh and enjoy myself, because I'm not doing much of that anymore.
That would mean everything to me right now.
This post is to let it all out. Just let everyone see what they wanted to hear out of me. I don't want to talk about it outside of my blog. I just want my friends to read this and know that I am crying like crazy writing this at 3 on a Wednesday morning.
If you're reading this, seriously thank you. This is such a hard time for me. And it's been a tough and heartbreaking year. And I REALLY do think that the end of this year will change completely and things will turn around. Having my friends, family, and my therapist is everything to me. I don't know where I would be... I honestly don't think I could handle being on this earth without any of you.
All I ask is that, when you see someone who maybe doesn't look so happy or is simply different... Do something to make their day. You don't know what is happening in their life, and a simple smile or compliment makes their whole world. I know that's what happens to me.
This will probably be my last blog until surgery details come about. It's hard to express these emotions and face the fact that someone is reading it... But that's what I made this blog for. To express the words I would never dare say out loud.
Thanks for reading this... Comment below and I'll gladly respond.
I just can't wait to be different....
-Alexa.
I am going through a strange time. I am not where I thought I would be. And it's sad that everything I went through, led me to this spot right now.
Thinking about my surgery I will undergo, both excites me, and depresses the hell out of me. Who wants to cut their stomach out at 20 years old??? Who is that desperate? All my life I was overweight, and all my life I was bullied for it.
When I was in 4th grade, a kid told me I shook the bus....
Freshman year I walked into a McDonalds and kids from my school loudly coughed 'fat' as I walked by.
All my life I felt different and ugly... Guys say that girls are stupid and naive because we call them jerks. Well honestly, I'll stop calling you jerks when you stop staring at me like I'm the elephant in the room... literally.
I can't even walk into a sushi restaurant in Scottsdale because I feel like I'm literally drowning in beautiful people. I feel... so ugly. And as much as my friends and family tell me otherwise, how can you not believe what you've heard from people all your life? When social media and society is telling you RIGHT TO YOUR FACE that you aren't good enough, and don't fit in, how are you supposed to feel? It's like being rejected by your entire society...
I didn't want to be here. I have tried everything in my power to lose this weight... I've done everything! Weight Watchers, miracle pills, working out everyday, vegetable diets, protein diets, liquid diets, no eating diets, throwing your food up diet....
I feel like a failure...
I didn't want to be here.... I don't want to be me...
I act happy with my friends, and sometimes I really am happy. But, I am really good at hiding my feelings and really good at faking a smile.
I am taking medication for this depression, and I am depressed about that! It is a never ending circle and I can't stop going around and around and around and I feel like there is no end and it is killing me and exhausting me and all I ever want to do is give up because nothing is working!
After all of this venting, I hope it proves how anxious and excited I am to get surgery. Firstly, to help with my medical problems... But to finally feel that looking at myself won't be such a chore. I need this...
And I just need my friends to be patient with me... Because I'm not myself. And if you're reading this, PLEASE, all I ask is to just help me enjoy my time right now. Help me laugh and enjoy myself, because I'm not doing much of that anymore.
That would mean everything to me right now.
This post is to let it all out. Just let everyone see what they wanted to hear out of me. I don't want to talk about it outside of my blog. I just want my friends to read this and know that I am crying like crazy writing this at 3 on a Wednesday morning.
If you're reading this, seriously thank you. This is such a hard time for me. And it's been a tough and heartbreaking year. And I REALLY do think that the end of this year will change completely and things will turn around. Having my friends, family, and my therapist is everything to me. I don't know where I would be... I honestly don't think I could handle being on this earth without any of you.
All I ask is that, when you see someone who maybe doesn't look so happy or is simply different... Do something to make their day. You don't know what is happening in their life, and a simple smile or compliment makes their whole world. I know that's what happens to me.
This will probably be my last blog until surgery details come about. It's hard to express these emotions and face the fact that someone is reading it... But that's what I made this blog for. To express the words I would never dare say out loud.
Thanks for reading this... Comment below and I'll gladly respond.
I just can't wait to be different....
-Alexa.
Monday, August 20, 2012
From preparing for school, to preparing for surgery..?
I really didn't think I would be here at this stage in my life.
I had dreamed that I would be in a new city, living a dream, writing and performing, going to school, being a new person.
I would be lying if I said I was content right now. Who wants to be 19, going on 20, stuck at home getting stomach surgery?
It doesn't help that the process is incredibly long and slow. It is months of waiting and wondering, and all you can do is imagine and hope that it is all worth it in the end.
They have me on new medication for my depression and anxiety. I was SO incredibly against it at first. But, this year was really life changing and turned into a bit of a hell for me. I have been very hurt and have grown apart from a lot of people.
With all that aside, I've definitely learned who my real friends are. The ones who I am comfortable telling anything to, and those who value my opinion and know what to say to make things better.
Everyday is a life lesson for me. And I'm learning about my patience and how much I value this life changing experience.
Not getting prepared for my 2nd year of college is hard for me. But, hopefully within the next month or two I will get a surgery date, I will be working out and just taking care of me.
It will be a learning experience.
As my best friend Brady said to me, it's an Alexa-mester. A semester to focus on Alexa, and learn about myself and what I can do.
This isn't where I thought I would be at this point... But, I'm going to work it, and make it the best it can be.
Life is going to change.
-Alexa Starky
I had dreamed that I would be in a new city, living a dream, writing and performing, going to school, being a new person.
I would be lying if I said I was content right now. Who wants to be 19, going on 20, stuck at home getting stomach surgery?
It doesn't help that the process is incredibly long and slow. It is months of waiting and wondering, and all you can do is imagine and hope that it is all worth it in the end.
They have me on new medication for my depression and anxiety. I was SO incredibly against it at first. But, this year was really life changing and turned into a bit of a hell for me. I have been very hurt and have grown apart from a lot of people.
With all that aside, I've definitely learned who my real friends are. The ones who I am comfortable telling anything to, and those who value my opinion and know what to say to make things better.
Everyday is a life lesson for me. And I'm learning about my patience and how much I value this life changing experience.
Not getting prepared for my 2nd year of college is hard for me. But, hopefully within the next month or two I will get a surgery date, I will be working out and just taking care of me.
It will be a learning experience.
As my best friend Brady said to me, it's an Alexa-mester. A semester to focus on Alexa, and learn about myself and what I can do.
This isn't where I thought I would be at this point... But, I'm going to work it, and make it the best it can be.
Life is going to change.
-Alexa Starky
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Bummer Summer
It has been well over a month since I've written last. I have been focused mainly on finishing summer classes and starting my new doctor experiences.
Doctor experiences you might ask?
Well yes, because as of July 4th, my insurance changed and they now offer the 1 thing I have been waiting 5 years for. Gastric bypass.
I don't know if you readers can go this far back in time with me, but, this blog started due to my interest in gastric surgery. I wanted the lap band when I was 17 and my doctor said I needed to start tracking my process, thus gave me an idea for my blog. As I started that, however, insurance denied me and I basically broke into pieces, thus starting a new mission to change that has gotten me this far.
But, I went to my meetings and I have done COUNTLESS doctor appointments the past few weeks. I have decided to not get full on gastric bypass simply because the risks are higher. And of course the fact that you cannot drink alcohol after that surgery...Hello! I'm not even 21 yet, give me a break.
I have decided to go with what is called the 'sleeve.' It is not actually a sleeve per-say but it is just simply taking out the access 90% of the stomach I don't need and not messing with my intestines or any of that other good stuff.
Since I have decided this, insurance and my doctors have a check list I need to complete full of new diets, different tests I have to do, and specific monthly visits in order to hopefully get the surgery within the next 4 months. So I have done a 345 question psych evaluation, consultations with the surgeons, nutritionists, therapists, and fitness specialists. As well as blood tests, ultra sounds, breathing tests, and more to come within the next few weeks. It's keeping me busy, and it has been incredibly hard and stressful on myself.
No one really wants to get to this point... Because it is such a massive change I'm going to see my therapist regularly and get on some anti-depressants just to be able to keep myself from going insane in the process. It is a lot to handle, this being the reason I haven't been writing or even seeing my friends...
If my friends are reading this, your patience and support is not unnoticed, I'm just not all present right now and I'm going through one of the hardest times in my life and have a specific way of coping with it. My life is changing in a matter of month and it's everything I've dreamed about, but it is a troubling time as well. Lets hope it can only go up from here. I adore you guys.
Now I have heard my share of opinions and negative comments. So, if you plan to leave one here for me, please understand I have made my choice, we have talked long and hard and I have done my research and until you walk in my shoes and see what it is like in my body, I just don't want to hear it from any of you.
I am very excited for yet another change to start!
So until my next big update, I'm on a strict diet with my doctors, I'm exercising at least 30 minutes a day and drink all the water humanly possible. I just don't want to lose track and I want to be the best me possible. And I think that Alexa is on its way.
Sorry the blog is long. A lot to fit in one post, and this isn't even all of it. I'll try to update more.
On to another mission to change. And still learning as I go. And I will keep going and going.
-Alexa Starky
Doctor experiences you might ask?
Well yes, because as of July 4th, my insurance changed and they now offer the 1 thing I have been waiting 5 years for. Gastric bypass.
I don't know if you readers can go this far back in time with me, but, this blog started due to my interest in gastric surgery. I wanted the lap band when I was 17 and my doctor said I needed to start tracking my process, thus gave me an idea for my blog. As I started that, however, insurance denied me and I basically broke into pieces, thus starting a new mission to change that has gotten me this far.
But, I went to my meetings and I have done COUNTLESS doctor appointments the past few weeks. I have decided to not get full on gastric bypass simply because the risks are higher. And of course the fact that you cannot drink alcohol after that surgery...Hello! I'm not even 21 yet, give me a break.
I have decided to go with what is called the 'sleeve.' It is not actually a sleeve per-say but it is just simply taking out the access 90% of the stomach I don't need and not messing with my intestines or any of that other good stuff.
Since I have decided this, insurance and my doctors have a check list I need to complete full of new diets, different tests I have to do, and specific monthly visits in order to hopefully get the surgery within the next 4 months. So I have done a 345 question psych evaluation, consultations with the surgeons, nutritionists, therapists, and fitness specialists. As well as blood tests, ultra sounds, breathing tests, and more to come within the next few weeks. It's keeping me busy, and it has been incredibly hard and stressful on myself.
No one really wants to get to this point... Because it is such a massive change I'm going to see my therapist regularly and get on some anti-depressants just to be able to keep myself from going insane in the process. It is a lot to handle, this being the reason I haven't been writing or even seeing my friends...
If my friends are reading this, your patience and support is not unnoticed, I'm just not all present right now and I'm going through one of the hardest times in my life and have a specific way of coping with it. My life is changing in a matter of month and it's everything I've dreamed about, but it is a troubling time as well. Lets hope it can only go up from here. I adore you guys.
Now I have heard my share of opinions and negative comments. So, if you plan to leave one here for me, please understand I have made my choice, we have talked long and hard and I have done my research and until you walk in my shoes and see what it is like in my body, I just don't want to hear it from any of you.
I am very excited for yet another change to start!
So until my next big update, I'm on a strict diet with my doctors, I'm exercising at least 30 minutes a day and drink all the water humanly possible. I just don't want to lose track and I want to be the best me possible. And I think that Alexa is on its way.
Sorry the blog is long. A lot to fit in one post, and this isn't even all of it. I'll try to update more.
On to another mission to change. And still learning as I go. And I will keep going and going.
-Alexa Starky
Sunday, June 24, 2012
My Movie Obsession.
I see at least 2 movies in the movie theaters a week.
I am always at the movies. It's become a hobby, and a lifestyle.
Whenever I am leaving my house, my family basically knows that I'm going to a Harkins to see a movie. It's even gotten to a point where I've started to go alone.
Whenever someone asks me why I'm going to so many movies, my answer was always 'because I want to see it.' But now I'm starting to see movies 2 and 3 times, just to see a movie.
I've figured out what it is.
I am so frustrated with everything going on in my own life, I will pay anything to just sit in a dark room and escape my life and watch another. It's my escape from school, work, studying, family, friends, love, surgery, my weight, and everything in between. I'm very frustrated.
So I go to laugh, cry, and feel for someone else for a little while.
I watch other fates change, other people fall in and out of love, die, solve problems, create problems, and find themselves. All in hope that I will do the same when I walk out of the comfort of the black room.
Film is my absolute love. And writing stories and creating someone outside of myself is my high.
I really need to figure this all out... I can't sit in a movie forever...
- Alexa Starky
I am always at the movies. It's become a hobby, and a lifestyle.
Whenever I am leaving my house, my family basically knows that I'm going to a Harkins to see a movie. It's even gotten to a point where I've started to go alone.
Whenever someone asks me why I'm going to so many movies, my answer was always 'because I want to see it.' But now I'm starting to see movies 2 and 3 times, just to see a movie.
I've figured out what it is.
I am so frustrated with everything going on in my own life, I will pay anything to just sit in a dark room and escape my life and watch another. It's my escape from school, work, studying, family, friends, love, surgery, my weight, and everything in between. I'm very frustrated.
So I go to laugh, cry, and feel for someone else for a little while.
I watch other fates change, other people fall in and out of love, die, solve problems, create problems, and find themselves. All in hope that I will do the same when I walk out of the comfort of the black room.
Film is my absolute love. And writing stories and creating someone outside of myself is my high.
I really need to figure this all out... I can't sit in a movie forever...
- Alexa Starky
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Happy 2 Years.
Today marks the 2 years I've been writing my blog. There have been ups, downs, and everything in between. I will read some of my past blogs and just remember how far I've come.
I started this blog to help myself, and open other peoples eyes to a life they didn't no about.
This blog has saved my life 1 million times.
Thank you for 2 incredible years. All the stories I've posted, and all that we have accomplished is worth everything.
It's a hard life. But it makes a great story in the end.
I love you all so much.
Happy 2 years to me and My Mission To Change.
I truly adore you.
I'm always learning as I go. In far more ways than 1.
-Alexa Starky
I started this blog to help myself, and open other peoples eyes to a life they didn't no about.
This blog has saved my life 1 million times.
Thank you for 2 incredible years. All the stories I've posted, and all that we have accomplished is worth everything.
It's a hard life. But it makes a great story in the end.
I love you all so much.
Happy 2 years to me and My Mission To Change.
I truly adore you.
I'm always learning as I go. In far more ways than 1.
-Alexa Starky
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