So we are here in San Diego. It's gorgeous. The food is amazing. The hotel is great. The shopping is fabulous. The ocean is lovely. The people are stunning... The people are stunning... and the people... well. They are just beautiful.
Everywhere I go here, I turn into that insecure 15 year old again. I don't feel beautiful here. I feel like I am trying too hard and that I'm not pretty. Everyone here has stunning faces, beautiful bodies, you know. California people.
I walked into Urban Outfitters today and I thought "Who am I kidding? I'm too big to be here..." I ended up buying a sweater but still. Who wants that negative feeling whenever they walk into a store? I've felt that everywhere. Even on the beach or walking around the town. I feel ugly.
It's very frustrating knowing that you are trying so hard to look better for yourself and you work so hard to get there and then you come to a place like this where you are looked at funny. I'm the 'fat' girl again and I am really afraid of her. That scared little girl is still inside me and she definitely comes out here in San Diego.
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the ocean and being on vacation and just being with my mom and sister. But, there is always that feeling like this would be more fun if I was thin and beautiful
It's sad that being thin means your beautiful...
It's a great time but I'm incredibly frustrated. I'm proud of myself for where I've gotten since day 1. But, I'm not happy knowing maybe it could have been even better. I see the glass and half full and half empty. And it's driving me crazy..
I will keep updating and will hopefully find some more happiness here. In the end, the place is beautiful, and the vacation is nice.
Any words of wisdom from my readers?
I love you all.
-Alexa Starky
I still feel that today.. no joke. You just summarized my life in this blog.
ReplyDeleteBeing beautiful is more than a physical appearance. It is about how you show your beauty. Being thin does not mean beauty, it just means thin. Beauty is something someone sees in someone. And I bet someone or some people find you beautiful. Yet, I read these blogs and you are an inspiration, but don't feel bad about your self. That is envy not beauty. Beauty comes from the heart, and if you put a smile you glow and when you glow you are a star. At the end, people will notice you and notice that you are beautiful, either it is physical or emotional, but you are a beautiful person. :)
ReplyDelete-Man that needs a suit, to do My Fair Lady