It's official. I can't just sit down alone. It's gotten to a place where my mind wonders in ALL different directions if my brain isn't focused on something else..
The smallest things trigger sadness. I've been playing tetris, doing word searches, writing, reading, texting, being with friends, everything and anything that I can in order to just, not think.
It's hard to know that my whole world and everything I knew only a few months ago is gone. I'm a whole new person and nothing is the same.
And it's REALLY hard because that last thing I have been focusing on is my weight...
I feel disgusting. I feel ugly. I feel like nothing is working. Nothing is worth it. And it's hard because I really don't have that passion to change like I did...
This was supposed to be my mission to change. It really took a turn for the worst.
It's like the weirdest roller coaster. It began and it was going SO well and you were so anxious for the ride to begin when you get to the top. But as it went it just died down, then it sped up and got better, but then it got worse and worse and now I feel like it will never end.,
Nothing is happening with me. And it's sad. Because I feel like I'm...
I'm failing my blog. I feel like a failure. This was supposed to inspire myself and others and I feel like I'm doing just the opposite. That is very hard to cope with.
My heart and head are in 400 different places. I'm thinking differently about everything and everyone. My heart is telling me so many things that I'm really confused. There is too much to think about!!
Graduation, college, break ups, friends, weight, money, family, feelings, grades, looks, everything!
It's just getting to be too much!!
I'm just struggling... a lot.
I need more inspiration.. and help. I really need help..
-Alexa Starky
Lexipro......you really hit it on the head! LIFE is exactly like a roller coaster....ups and downs, slow and fast, exciting and dull...and you are experiencing it all.
ReplyDeleteRemember when you were little and every day was joyful and the only questions you had was what game should we play, what's for lunch? Life is easy when you are a child and we miss that simplicity.
Just remember that everyone goes through what you are going through and you are not alone. This moment...these feelings will pass and new ones will emerge.
I know what you are going through...I REALLY do! We are both cursed..and yet blessed..with being emotional beings. Keep walking through your life. the feelings, emotions, highs and lows because as you overcome each hurdle, your life becomes more amazing than you ever dreamed it could be.
I am here for you always. I love you.
Mom
Alexa,
ReplyDeleteI am here for you too, along w your Mom & Sis, Dad & local family you have family around the country who can and want to help! Remember my offer to come visit this summer & work? Hope your still thinking about it.
When I was your age I felt pretty hopeless myself. Well life turned out wonderful- I had no idea what would happen, no one does! Same for your Aunt Sam, we all went through some pretty tough times as kids- we pushed and it's not perfect but were stronger and grateful for the lessons. In the mean time I urge you to find a volunteer project, somethimg like working with kids with special needs or a place where you can share your beautiful smile and know your making a differnce.
love you, Aunt Stacey