My life is like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.
I mean, no I don't have her clothes, her body, her hair, her apartment, none of that.
But her love life...
Before the movies, I mean.
I have someone I am smitten for. My own Mr. Big. He's handsome, he's funny, he's tall, he's a charmer, he's sexy. He's my "perfect" guy. I've been head over heels for him since day one. Things didn't work out, and we didn't talk for months...
Then comes my Aiden. The sweetest guy I've ever met! A one in a million. And he was totally into me. He would do anything for me...
We saw each other for awhile, but Mr. Big would always pop up someway or another. Me and my Big run into each other sometimes, and when we do, it's like we never left each other. And every time I see him, I somehow become someone else. I just want to be what he wants me to be...
And my Aiden, he likes me for me...
What's wrong with Carrie? What's wrong with me?...
Mr. Big and Carrie were always meant to be together. Every time I watch them, I just kind of know. Those two are meant to be together. But her and Aiden were so cute, and he really cares about her. I feel like I'm watching my story, and I also don't know what to do...
Carrie ended up with Mr. Big, and broke Aidens heart. How will I end up?...
Well, just like Carrie, I will be keeping up to date on here, just like her column...
Lets just hope for a happy ending this season..
-Alexa Starky
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
I'm Thankful For :
Well, Thanksgiving is over. The food has been digested, the shopping is finished, family has gone home. It was a great few days. Looking back at the last few years, there is a lot to be thankful for. I'm going to share a few special ones.
I'm thankful for : My Parents. Yeah we argue and disagree sometimes, but at the end of the day we love each other. It's hard being a working college student, with all of these new responsibilities and not feel pressured. I've definitely started to lose myself in this. You think you have it all 'figured out' in high school, when you really have no idea. Then suddenly all of this pressure hits. You are forced to think about new things and take on new challenges. And I've had my break downs. But my parents have always been there to support me when I'm falling. They are easy to talk to, they give good advice, and they know what they are doing. They've had, and sometimes still do have their hard times, but they are inspiring the way they push through it and learn from it. I'm grateful to have them in my life to help me light my path, but also give me the freedoms a good 19 year old girl deserves. I love you both with all my heart.
I'm thankful for : My Sister. She's pretty much the coolest, most real person ever. She's just fabulous. She only does what she knows is right for her. She's fierce and hilarious and I'm happy we got to become so close this past year. Some of my favorite times are with her. We can talk about anything and she gets it. She's always here for me, and I couldn't have asked for a better sister. And I hate to bring this up, but, Jocelyn is looking down on us, Jaclyn. And she is grateful for what we have. She gave you life, and she gave me you, and I love you.
I'm thankful for : My wonderful friends. I think I have some of the most incredibly group of friends. They are people I can talk to about anything. Brady, who has been my best friend for so many years, has been here for me through everything. Even when I took stuff out on him, he knew there was something wrong, and he would try to help me, rather than hate me. He gives me perspective in life and I adore him. Joy is always here for me! We are together all the time! I talk to her about everything and I am so happy I get to spend time with someone so generous toward others. She's amazing. I miss a lot of my friends dearly! Ariel, Jessica, Mark, Tierney, Patrick, Josiah, Steven, Eian, and a lot of others! You all make my days better, and I wish I could see you all more than I do. But just know that the memories with all of you are the ones I never will forget. And no matter how long it takes for us to see each other, it's always like we were never apart. And for that, I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for : Gabriel. I'm sure everyone is like 'huh?' Well, Gabriel is an incredibly special person. Since the first day I met him he was a gentleman. He has the sweetest heart. He will take care of anyone he loves before himself, and I got to experience this first hand. When we were together, he knew something was off about me. And he tried so hard to make me feel better. Every time I'd see him he had something for me because he was thinking about me. He made me feel like the only girl on the planet. But he knew I needed to work on myself. And he supported me, even when I had to end it... He deserved me to be 100% into it like he was. He is still here for me today like he was then, and he has helped me a lot. Whenever I need him, he is there and it means so much to me. I don't talk about it much, but when it comes to an amazing person, he completes the list. Gabriel, you're amazing, you're sweet, you're one of the kindest human beings I know, and I'm so thankful for everything you did, and still do, for me. Thank you so much.
I'm thankful for : my family. From my Mom's side to my Dad's side, everyone is so unbelievable. They all support me, help me, and make me a better person. They give me experiences, they tell me stories that have changed my life, and they have given me a huge heart. Every single one of them has helped me in some way. They are so giving and so kind. I will never forget when I lost my wallet in Chicago, and my uncle Barry who I hardly ever see, drove an hour to get me some money to survive. It's things like that. And my incredible aunt Samantha and Kat who inspire me every single day to reach for me real dreams. It happened for them, and I want to be just like them. Randy, for being the coolest uncle ever! He means so much to me, and I love talking to him. Stacey, who is always giving love from Virginia and I just adore her visits. She is so generous! My Bubbie, for telling me her stories of her past and inspiring me to be a better person. My uncle David, for still singing Memories from Cats to me, it's something I'll never forget. My Nana and Papa for being here for me everyday and loving me. My aunt Niecie for giving me perspective and teaching me how to be a strong teenager. My aunt Pam and Uncle Stu, for being so strong. Even in such hard times, they are so strong and so loving. RIP Joan Biscoe. We love and adore you so much. You are ALL a huge part of my life and I'm so grateful to have such strong people in my blood.
Last but never least:
I'm thankful for : My Mission to Change. I think it's simple to say that this blog has saved my life. My readers and the support and love they give me. You have taught me so much. I've become a new person inside and out. I feel beautiful, and I never felt beautiful. I'm not afraid of the bully anymore. I'm not afraid to be myself. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm still learning, and there is still so much to accomplish, but I wouldn't have ever made it this far without my blog and my readers. I'm so thankful. It's changed my life forever, and I'm going to keep going. There is more to learn and more to write, and I'm so thankful that I'm not alone in this. You're all so amazing, and you've taught me that I don't have to pretend anymore. I love you all so much. This blog is a part of me now. It's a tattoo in my heart. And I'm always going to be learning as I go.
I'm thankful for you.
I love you all so much.
Happy Thanksgiving.
- Alexa Starky
I'm thankful for : My Parents. Yeah we argue and disagree sometimes, but at the end of the day we love each other. It's hard being a working college student, with all of these new responsibilities and not feel pressured. I've definitely started to lose myself in this. You think you have it all 'figured out' in high school, when you really have no idea. Then suddenly all of this pressure hits. You are forced to think about new things and take on new challenges. And I've had my break downs. But my parents have always been there to support me when I'm falling. They are easy to talk to, they give good advice, and they know what they are doing. They've had, and sometimes still do have their hard times, but they are inspiring the way they push through it and learn from it. I'm grateful to have them in my life to help me light my path, but also give me the freedoms a good 19 year old girl deserves. I love you both with all my heart.
I'm thankful for : My Sister. She's pretty much the coolest, most real person ever. She's just fabulous. She only does what she knows is right for her. She's fierce and hilarious and I'm happy we got to become so close this past year. Some of my favorite times are with her. We can talk about anything and she gets it. She's always here for me, and I couldn't have asked for a better sister. And I hate to bring this up, but, Jocelyn is looking down on us, Jaclyn. And she is grateful for what we have. She gave you life, and she gave me you, and I love you.
I'm thankful for : My wonderful friends. I think I have some of the most incredibly group of friends. They are people I can talk to about anything. Brady, who has been my best friend for so many years, has been here for me through everything. Even when I took stuff out on him, he knew there was something wrong, and he would try to help me, rather than hate me. He gives me perspective in life and I adore him. Joy is always here for me! We are together all the time! I talk to her about everything and I am so happy I get to spend time with someone so generous toward others. She's amazing. I miss a lot of my friends dearly! Ariel, Jessica, Mark, Tierney, Patrick, Josiah, Steven, Eian, and a lot of others! You all make my days better, and I wish I could see you all more than I do. But just know that the memories with all of you are the ones I never will forget. And no matter how long it takes for us to see each other, it's always like we were never apart. And for that, I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for : Gabriel. I'm sure everyone is like 'huh?' Well, Gabriel is an incredibly special person. Since the first day I met him he was a gentleman. He has the sweetest heart. He will take care of anyone he loves before himself, and I got to experience this first hand. When we were together, he knew something was off about me. And he tried so hard to make me feel better. Every time I'd see him he had something for me because he was thinking about me. He made me feel like the only girl on the planet. But he knew I needed to work on myself. And he supported me, even when I had to end it... He deserved me to be 100% into it like he was. He is still here for me today like he was then, and he has helped me a lot. Whenever I need him, he is there and it means so much to me. I don't talk about it much, but when it comes to an amazing person, he completes the list. Gabriel, you're amazing, you're sweet, you're one of the kindest human beings I know, and I'm so thankful for everything you did, and still do, for me. Thank you so much.
I'm thankful for : my family. From my Mom's side to my Dad's side, everyone is so unbelievable. They all support me, help me, and make me a better person. They give me experiences, they tell me stories that have changed my life, and they have given me a huge heart. Every single one of them has helped me in some way. They are so giving and so kind. I will never forget when I lost my wallet in Chicago, and my uncle Barry who I hardly ever see, drove an hour to get me some money to survive. It's things like that. And my incredible aunt Samantha and Kat who inspire me every single day to reach for me real dreams. It happened for them, and I want to be just like them. Randy, for being the coolest uncle ever! He means so much to me, and I love talking to him. Stacey, who is always giving love from Virginia and I just adore her visits. She is so generous! My Bubbie, for telling me her stories of her past and inspiring me to be a better person. My uncle David, for still singing Memories from Cats to me, it's something I'll never forget. My Nana and Papa for being here for me everyday and loving me. My aunt Niecie for giving me perspective and teaching me how to be a strong teenager. My aunt Pam and Uncle Stu, for being so strong. Even in such hard times, they are so strong and so loving. RIP Joan Biscoe. We love and adore you so much. You are ALL a huge part of my life and I'm so grateful to have such strong people in my blood.
Last but never least:
I'm thankful for : My Mission to Change. I think it's simple to say that this blog has saved my life. My readers and the support and love they give me. You have taught me so much. I've become a new person inside and out. I feel beautiful, and I never felt beautiful. I'm not afraid of the bully anymore. I'm not afraid to be myself. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm still learning, and there is still so much to accomplish, but I wouldn't have ever made it this far without my blog and my readers. I'm so thankful. It's changed my life forever, and I'm going to keep going. There is more to learn and more to write, and I'm so thankful that I'm not alone in this. You're all so amazing, and you've taught me that I don't have to pretend anymore. I love you all so much. This blog is a part of me now. It's a tattoo in my heart. And I'm always going to be learning as I go.
I'm thankful for you.
I love you all so much.
Happy Thanksgiving.
- Alexa Starky
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
At the End of the Day
I am a happy person. I am working on my life. I have incredible people in it who care about me. I have a family who supports me.
It has its downs and low points. But the highs make it worth it.
This world is a game. And there will always be obstacles.
But I'm in love. I love myself. My family. My friends. My followers. My dogs. A boy.
Love is what you make it.
And I'm just riding the wave. Lets see where it takes me shall we.
40 POUNDS BABY!
I'm motivated!
Lets talk Love, shall we?
My favorite subject... Love.
I don't talk about it much. I mean, I joke about marrying Max Adler or something. But, real love is different for me.
I find love very interesting. I find it insane that the heart can feel such extremes. I mean, from being infatuated with someone to the point where they become your everything. To the feeling like your heart literally broke into millions of pieces. It either makes your life, or breaks your life.
I mean...right now...
I'm head over heels for someone. I have been for awhile.. I think about them everyday, and it's frustrating... But he makes me happy. I just need to play it by ear, see where life takes me. I just need to ride the wave.
Recently I've also been incredibly frustrated with my weight. I feel like little freshman Alexa again sometimes... I hated her.
People say I'm pretty. People say I shouldn't care what others think. Some blame media. I have no one to blame but myself. I just want to be pretty... in my eyes...
He makes me feel pretty...
-Alexa Starky
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
I'm Baaaack.
Well, that was interesting. I took almost a month away from writing.
There were a lot of tears. A lot of shop therapy. A lot of laughs. A lot of feelings.
I guess you can say I tore myself down to build myself up.
I did a lot of talking with my incredible mom about my life, feelings, desperation, and she helped me a lot.
One day I had just had enough of life and the way I felt, I almost just walked out of the house. I was at the door, and my mom just look at me and tried to stop me. It took a bit to get me away from the door and to stop crying.. It was definitely a rough month..
School was very stressful. A lot of working. And just not feeling good about myself.
But I'm focused and am trying to get back on the band wagon.
Because, I'm really tired of looking at myself and seeing something I don't want to see..
Also, I hate talking about this stuff, but, I did break up with my boyfriend.. I just needed to focus on me and I wasn't in it the way he deserved me to be.
I'm back in this, I'm going to keep going, try to lose 30 more pounds.
I'm happy to be writing again. I definitely miss it and it's a big part of my lifestyle now.
Thank you for always being here for me this past year and a half. It's one insane journey.
I love you all so much!
-Alexa Starky
There were a lot of tears. A lot of shop therapy. A lot of laughs. A lot of feelings.
I guess you can say I tore myself down to build myself up.
I did a lot of talking with my incredible mom about my life, feelings, desperation, and she helped me a lot.
One day I had just had enough of life and the way I felt, I almost just walked out of the house. I was at the door, and my mom just look at me and tried to stop me. It took a bit to get me away from the door and to stop crying.. It was definitely a rough month..
School was very stressful. A lot of working. And just not feeling good about myself.
But I'm focused and am trying to get back on the band wagon.
Because, I'm really tired of looking at myself and seeing something I don't want to see..
Also, I hate talking about this stuff, but, I did break up with my boyfriend.. I just needed to focus on me and I wasn't in it the way he deserved me to be.
I'm back in this, I'm going to keep going, try to lose 30 more pounds.
I'm happy to be writing again. I definitely miss it and it's a big part of my lifestyle now.
Thank you for always being here for me this past year and a half. It's one insane journey.
I love you all so much!
-Alexa Starky
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