...Life is hard to deal with. I'm tired of the disappointments. I'm tired of hearing no. I'm tired of hearing I'm not positive about anything. I'm tired of hearing that there are no answers to anything.
I'm just an over weight 18 year old who doesn't know what the next day is going to bring...
I feel disgusting...
There is 1 more thing my mom and I are gonna try out. I'm not going to go into detail with it until I get more on it. But there is 1 more thing... we will see if that works out.
My boyfriend and I are on a 'break'.
That is kind of eating me apart right now.. It's like, what else could go wrong?
I'm breaking. Each blog gets worse. I need good news, and it isn't coming...
I need time to myself, but that's hard to do when life keeps hitting you in the face... I don't know how much more of this I can handle.
I need my friends and family now more than ever...
Alexa... the pain of being an overweight teen is MAJOR pain. Honey... my older sister weighs a lot and did all through school. It was a terrible experience and people can be viscious. My middle sister used to be smaller, but now weighs in the medium range for a middle aged woman. I'm on my way to weighing more, too at times, but when I stay grounded in truth, i have my best shot at keeping my weight in check. I'll always have challenges though.. it's pretty genetic.
ReplyDeleteI know our society is so thin conscious it's freakish, but no matter how you go up or down on the scales, there is a basic part of "Alexa" that will never be able to be touched by the world. YOU NEED to reread that.. and think hard about it. It is the "I" in Alexa. This may sound odd, but quietly by yourself, I invite you to try this. If you were to go somewhere quiet where you can be alone, close your eyes. Take some time and get comfy. Here you are NOT able to see or necessarily feel how much your body weighs. I encourage you to get in touch with the Alexa (REAL YOU) in the "I" and be at peace. It takes practice but it will give you strength and peace. When this begins to happen for you, you will find out that weight is irrelevant in a lot of ways. I have done this and since then.. I have begun to see my weight stablize at age 53.
Next.. is the addiction part. I am one of your mom's friends and I am a substance abuse counselor. I can tell you, sugar is THE most addictive substance out there.. and similar to cocaine; complete with triggers.. etc. If you can get completely off of white flour and sucrose.. you'll be on your way. Remember... get in touch with the "I" of who you are irrelevant to the scales and then watch those two addictive substances and you will be light years ahead of the pain you are in today.
Don't forget to ask God to help you!
Sending you my prayer and good wishes!!
Laurie~
My "soul" sister... that is how I feel when I read your blog my dearest Alexa. You are so blessed in so many ways that are just so hard to see when you are in the muck of life. I am your family and I will forever be here for you. You have the gift that your mother and I have, the ability to identify and write about our feelings, good and bad. It may not seem like that matters, but just getting those thoughts and feelings out of you, here on paper, so to speak, is so healthy and very healing. Believe it or not, everything you are doing is the absolute right thing baby. You are an amazing creature of God and when you come shining through all these hard times, all this confusion and frustration and fear, you will become this strong and healthy and become even more beautiful than you are now... I always believed, as I grew up a fat kid/teenager/adult (OY!) that because of hard times like these, with the strength of family and good friends, all of this... well it made me more compassionate loving nuturing understanding, sensitive and I think, a pretty wonderful, adult! You will be the same, I know it!! I believe that those girls who just slide right through life on looks or popularity grow up lacking in the attributes that make you and me special. At my last reunion, those girls, well, it was like there was still noone there behind their mask, like they never changed, they dont grow and become and blossom like you will!! DONT EVER GIVE UP!!! Life is hard, as you are experiencing, but you are going to be just fine, I know it! You are so far ahead already and you dont even know it!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so incredibly impressed and soooo proud of the woman you are becoming. YOU WILL MAKE IT!!! Dont ever stop believing in yourself beutiful... I am here if you ever need anything at all.
I love you so much,
Neecie