Ah Inspiration.. You are a joke-ster! (:

I.
What do you think of when you see that letter?
...I...

I went to the ever-so-wonderful dictionary.com to find out exactly what I means.
1. The 9th letter in the English alphabet.
THANK YOU DICTIONARY.COM!
Man, they are SO smart, it makes me sick to my stomach! (really, it does)

Then I scrolled down to pronoun.
1. The nominative singular pronoun, used by a speaker in referring to himself or herself.
There we go. That makes more sense. But, doesn't that sound conceited in a way?
Well, it is. And for this blog, I'm going to use it in a different way. I know I know, I sound complicated, in fact, I am kind of confusing myself. I always think of I as in, what I am right now. How I am feeling right now. Right now right now right now. Always what is in my mind RIGHT NOW.
I..don't want to do that for this blog. I don't want to complain about weight, or school, or social life. I want to explain. I want to be.
I...want to be different.

Everyday we hear 'I think' or 'I want' or 'I believe' and, well, I'm done with that. I will say it sometimes when I really do need something. I don't want to live in this 'I' life anymore.
I want (have to do it there, sorry) to live in the 'This is' life.
Where I am at that sudden moment. 'This is.' I want to feel life again. Passion. Feeling. I don't want passion or feeling, that sounds like a craving! This is passion. This is life! I'm going to live in this is.
I just saw Easy A with Emma Stone, AWESOME MOVIE BY THE WAY! GO SEE IT!
Anywho..
Almost everyone in that movie wanted something. They wanted to change and they did the wrong thing to get it because they thought it was the only way. They ended up hurting a lot of people all because, they wanted to change. They wanted to be popular. They wanted life.
I wanted to be thin (still do..), I wanted to be popular, I wanted to fit in with people I never would have. I wanted to be, different.
This isn't helping. WANTING isn't helping.
Want should be a curse word. Because wanting is just painful! Instead of wanting go make it real. I don't know why it took a movie about a girl who fakes her loss of virginity to make me realize this, but it did.

I've been having these dreams lately talking to a certain someone I'm not gonna get into. She comes to me every night in my sleep telling me to live. To breathe in the love and passion I have being on this earth...because..she never got to..

This is real. This is happening. This is a new me.
This means no more fighting about stupid crap with Eian! (unless he really messes up. ;) No pressure babe.)
This means doing something at home that will make me a better person.
This means helping.
This means learning.
This means, I'm a new person.

Sure, therapy will still be incredibly needed, and tears will fall.
But, that's what this blog is for.
For you 19 lovely followers to hear me out. (btw, tell people about the blog, please!)
To get love and support I never hear outside of this web page.

This is me.
And wanting, is over. From now on, I'm living.

I think learningasigo, can go away. This is my page. Me.
-Alexa Starky.