I see at least 2 movies in the movie theaters a week.
I am always at the movies. It's become a hobby, and a lifestyle.
Whenever I am leaving my house, my family basically knows that I'm going to a Harkins to see a movie. It's even gotten to a point where I've started to go alone.
Whenever someone asks me why I'm going to so many movies, my answer was always 'because I want to see it.' But now I'm starting to see movies 2 and 3 times, just to see a movie.
I've figured out what it is.
I am so frustrated with everything going on in my own life, I will pay anything to just sit in a dark room and escape my life and watch another. It's my escape from school, work, studying, family, friends, love, surgery, my weight, and everything in between. I'm very frustrated.
So I go to laugh, cry, and feel for someone else for a little while.
I watch other fates change, other people fall in and out of love, die, solve problems, create problems, and find themselves. All in hope that I will do the same when I walk out of the comfort of the black room.
Film is my absolute love. And writing stories and creating someone outside of myself is my high.
I really need to figure this all out... I can't sit in a movie forever...
- Alexa Starky
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Happy 2 Years.
Today marks the 2 years I've been writing my blog. There have been ups, downs, and everything in between. I will read some of my past blogs and just remember how far I've come.
I started this blog to help myself, and open other peoples eyes to a life they didn't no about.
This blog has saved my life 1 million times.
Thank you for 2 incredible years. All the stories I've posted, and all that we have accomplished is worth everything.
It's a hard life. But it makes a great story in the end.
I love you all so much.
Happy 2 years to me and My Mission To Change.
I truly adore you.
I'm always learning as I go. In far more ways than 1.
-Alexa Starky
I started this blog to help myself, and open other peoples eyes to a life they didn't no about.
This blog has saved my life 1 million times.
Thank you for 2 incredible years. All the stories I've posted, and all that we have accomplished is worth everything.
It's a hard life. But it makes a great story in the end.
I love you all so much.
Happy 2 years to me and My Mission To Change.
I truly adore you.
I'm always learning as I go. In far more ways than 1.
-Alexa Starky
Exhausted.
I have written a million first sentences in this post. I just don't know how to start it...
I am a mess lately. But, I'm a happy mess. It is like I am content with my mess. Who can live this way and not vent about it via blog? So here we go.
School. Is. A. BITCH! And that is the lightest of terms I considered using. I am talking homework off the wazoo, chapter after chapter. It is so much to absorb in only 5 short weeks, they are throwing information left and right. Thank goodness for my friend Joy, or I probably would have dropped out already. It is kicking my ass and it's going to be a difficult few weeks...
My job is getting better. It is kind of in the way, sadly, due to all the school work. But I'm lucky enough to have managers and coworkers who really understand where I'm coming from and I'm glad I get their support in all this.
Every single day feels like a month. June couldn't go slower... The past 3 days have felt like a year. With the fact that I only have 1 month left until the lap band process happens, it's the slowest ticking clock. Not a single day goes by I don't think about my weight. It's like a disease. I truly believe everything I do, every look I get, every person I see is judging me based on the way I look. And it is honestly eating me alive.... This surgery is my blessing and people who don't agree with me needs to take a walk in my shoes for a day. This month is taking forever... I mean how can someone tell you "The answer to all your problems is solved, we can fix this, and the process starts in a month. So you have to wait."
I'm trying to spend as much time with my friends and family as possible. I'm trying to stay connected with music, and writing, and keeping busy with passions. Otherwise who knows what June would look like.
Not a day goes by I don't think about the asshole that broke my heart. I mean, even I'm starting to think I'm pathetic. But there are always cracks within the seams of a broken heart. And it is sickening that he is always there with me. It's been months. And I'm just dying for closure or something. Anything. If you EVER read this... please allow me to let you go.. I'm just tired of the day dreams and flashbacks... Please end this shitty story.
This life is SO hard. It is not one you can live alone. I was bullied my whole life, I've always been overweight, my friends, my family and my blog kept me alive. And as I always say, I'm lucky to have those people behind my back supporting me every day. Each of my friends and family members are a part of me that make me the way I am. Who are we without the ones we love?
Sure I'm impatient. I want school to end, I want this lap band, I want the guy, I want it all and I want it now.
One of my favorite quotes is
Life is a marathon, not a sprint...
Good things are coming... It is just hard to remember that sometimes.
I am a mess lately. But, I'm a happy mess. It is like I am content with my mess. Who can live this way and not vent about it via blog? So here we go.
School. Is. A. BITCH! And that is the lightest of terms I considered using. I am talking homework off the wazoo, chapter after chapter. It is so much to absorb in only 5 short weeks, they are throwing information left and right. Thank goodness for my friend Joy, or I probably would have dropped out already. It is kicking my ass and it's going to be a difficult few weeks...
My job is getting better. It is kind of in the way, sadly, due to all the school work. But I'm lucky enough to have managers and coworkers who really understand where I'm coming from and I'm glad I get their support in all this.
Every single day feels like a month. June couldn't go slower... The past 3 days have felt like a year. With the fact that I only have 1 month left until the lap band process happens, it's the slowest ticking clock. Not a single day goes by I don't think about my weight. It's like a disease. I truly believe everything I do, every look I get, every person I see is judging me based on the way I look. And it is honestly eating me alive.... This surgery is my blessing and people who don't agree with me needs to take a walk in my shoes for a day. This month is taking forever... I mean how can someone tell you "The answer to all your problems is solved, we can fix this, and the process starts in a month. So you have to wait."
I'm trying to spend as much time with my friends and family as possible. I'm trying to stay connected with music, and writing, and keeping busy with passions. Otherwise who knows what June would look like.
Not a day goes by I don't think about the asshole that broke my heart. I mean, even I'm starting to think I'm pathetic. But there are always cracks within the seams of a broken heart. And it is sickening that he is always there with me. It's been months. And I'm just dying for closure or something. Anything. If you EVER read this... please allow me to let you go.. I'm just tired of the day dreams and flashbacks... Please end this shitty story.
This life is SO hard. It is not one you can live alone. I was bullied my whole life, I've always been overweight, my friends, my family and my blog kept me alive. And as I always say, I'm lucky to have those people behind my back supporting me every day. Each of my friends and family members are a part of me that make me the way I am. Who are we without the ones we love?
Sure I'm impatient. I want school to end, I want this lap band, I want the guy, I want it all and I want it now.
One of my favorite quotes is
Life is a marathon, not a sprint...
So don't rush things. Because anything worth having, is worth waiting for.
Good things are coming... It is just hard to remember that sometimes.
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