I'm fed up.
I write a blog about my life and my hardships of being an overweight teen girl. I've been doing this for over a year. I'm not afraid to say anything anymore.
It's so hard! Being typecasted because I'm fat. Being the fat girl in choir. Being looked at by strangers not knowing whether its my cool earings or my weight. Even thinking that bulimia is an answer. For not wanting to eat. It's disgusting and I've honestly had enough of everything!
I mean, I'm the last person to want to disappoint my family and friends. I try SO hard to keep up with this blog. I try so hard to change. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, sneak out, yell, nothing! I go to school, I go to work, I hang with my family, and do it all over.
But lately... I've been wanting to rebel. I haven't been caring anymore...
I learn, work, and sleep. Everyday. And I've been frustrated. Because I have a day off.. I want to go out to see my boyfriend I haven't seen in a week. It's around 11 at night. He made brownies with his mom and I just want to hang out over there. And I can't because my family doesn't trust me going out "this late.." Like, give me a break! I'm going to go eat a brownie and play cards! I'm not going out to get drunk and sleep around and pretend I'm some awesome kid. No, I'm an overweight teen girl who just wants to get out on her night off. And, I'm 19 years old.
It's natural to want what you can't have. Tell me no, I will only want it more. It's the way it is. And I'm fed up with the lack of trust.
I want to get out of the house and live my life. All my friends are doing it in college, and I'm trapped at home at 11 at night?! I'm fed up!
I know this blog is kind of a rant, and I'm sorry. But, I needed to say something.
I've been through too much and I have been afraid my whole life to speak up!
So I'm just venting to a place that won't talk back at me or judge me... Sadly that is a blog.. but it's better than nothing...
I might be having a mental breakdown... And I might have to take a break from the blog and from the mission for awhile.. or I might go insane... :'(
-Alexa Starky.
Hey, I just want you to know that in spite of what you think you are an awesome kid. Everyone that knows you sees you as a beautiful and inspiring person. Everyone else doesn't matter. I understand that you need to take a break, but know that we're all here for you when you come back.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tabi. I just need a break for myself.
ReplyDeleteyou ARE an "awesome kid" just because you don't drink, smoke, and sleep around makes you even MORE awesome.
ReplyDelete