Dear VOSAC, I love you.

Yes!
I think I've finally made it to the climax! The climax of my story. The rising action happened with all of the diet stuff, the beginning of my senior year, so on so forth.
This is it. The tip of my English 7-8 study guide. My climax moment.
I found where I belong right now.

The last 2 ish weeks, I've been very unhappy. That is putting it into a more simple term. I've felt like there was no reason for school anymore, there was no reason to look good, there was nothing to make me feel good. I felt, nothing. I kept telling myself to feel something! All I felt was space waiting to be filled.
It's been filled. Mostly anyway. I would say half full..notice how I didn't say half empty. That's positivity!

Anywho,
I found love in choir. A new love. I've always loved it and it was always one of my favorites. But now, I feel it. I feel love and happiness when I walk into my 3rd hour. I see all of my friends, my dance partners, my crazy bald wacko of a teacher I love to hate and love to love, and I feel right. Everything in the day is just right. I love choir. It gets me up and out the door everyday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekzUT_2Urz8

Look this up. This is us last year.
I just, finally found my passion for the year. It's in my choir.
The Voices of Shadow Advanced Choir.
VOSAC

I've been doing better. My foot is still in its little boot but I'm healing and it isn't hurting much anymore. I'm losing weight with weight watchers. I'm just more aware of whats going into my body and it really is paying off. I will be back at the gym as soon as my foot is completely healed :)

Anywho..

This blog is for my VOSACers and for those who need to find a passion. Let me tell you, it is in the oddest of places. It is in people you would have never talked to. You really don't know until you start saying yes.

If you are interested in seeing me and my passion at its best, PLEASE come to our concert at Shadow Mountain High School in our auditorium on October 14th at 7 pm.
It is completely free! (donations appreciated ;) )

But, back to my point, VOSAC, you're changing me. And you are giving me a lot of inspiration to keep up on what my goals are and you are giving me more reason. I love you all so much. My old friends since 5th grade to now. And the people I started talking to 3 weeks ago.
You don't know what you did to me :)
I love you all.

-Alexa Starky

Ah Inspiration.. You are a joke-ster! (:

I.
What do you think of when you see that letter?
...I...

I went to the ever-so-wonderful dictionary.com to find out exactly what I means.
1. The 9th letter in the English alphabet.
THANK YOU DICTIONARY.COM!
Man, they are SO smart, it makes me sick to my stomach! (really, it does)

Then I scrolled down to pronoun.
1. The nominative singular pronoun, used by a speaker in referring to himself or herself.
There we go. That makes more sense. But, doesn't that sound conceited in a way?
Well, it is. And for this blog, I'm going to use it in a different way. I know I know, I sound complicated, in fact, I am kind of confusing myself. I always think of I as in, what I am right now. How I am feeling right now. Right now right now right now. Always what is in my mind RIGHT NOW.
I..don't want to do that for this blog. I don't want to complain about weight, or school, or social life. I want to explain. I want to be.
I...want to be different.

Everyday we hear 'I think' or 'I want' or 'I believe' and, well, I'm done with that. I will say it sometimes when I really do need something. I don't want to live in this 'I' life anymore.
I want (have to do it there, sorry) to live in the 'This is' life.
Where I am at that sudden moment. 'This is.' I want to feel life again. Passion. Feeling. I don't want passion or feeling, that sounds like a craving! This is passion. This is life! I'm going to live in this is.
I just saw Easy A with Emma Stone, AWESOME MOVIE BY THE WAY! GO SEE IT!
Anywho..
Almost everyone in that movie wanted something. They wanted to change and they did the wrong thing to get it because they thought it was the only way. They ended up hurting a lot of people all because, they wanted to change. They wanted to be popular. They wanted life.
I wanted to be thin (still do..), I wanted to be popular, I wanted to fit in with people I never would have. I wanted to be, different.
This isn't helping. WANTING isn't helping.
Want should be a curse word. Because wanting is just painful! Instead of wanting go make it real. I don't know why it took a movie about a girl who fakes her loss of virginity to make me realize this, but it did.

I've been having these dreams lately talking to a certain someone I'm not gonna get into. She comes to me every night in my sleep telling me to live. To breathe in the love and passion I have being on this earth...because..she never got to..

This is real. This is happening. This is a new me.
This means no more fighting about stupid crap with Eian! (unless he really messes up. ;) No pressure babe.)
This means doing something at home that will make me a better person.
This means helping.
This means learning.
This means, I'm a new person.

Sure, therapy will still be incredibly needed, and tears will fall.
But, that's what this blog is for.
For you 19 lovely followers to hear me out. (btw, tell people about the blog, please!)
To get love and support I never hear outside of this web page.

This is me.
And wanting, is over. From now on, I'm living.

I think learningasigo, can go away. This is my page. Me.
-Alexa Starky.

Stupid Trampoline..

Hi. It's been awhile. I guess life, laziness, and therapy sessions got in the way of me and my blog. Whoops. Well, I'm here now.
I bet you are wondering what happened to me these past few weeks..
Well, not much. Just school, keeping myself busy, sprained ankles....
Oh yeah, the sprained ankle situation. Yep. Here I am, sitting on the same god damn couch I've been sitting on for 60 some hours with a brace sitting on my left [dominant] foot...
How did I do such a thing? Well..
It all started on my day off from school because of the Jewish new year.

שנה טובה ומתוקה


Anywho, some friends and I decided to go to this magical wonderful beautiful place called Jumpstreet..basically its a huge trampoline room. How fun right?! Well, yes it was fun! Until the excitement stopped and I realized my foot was in complete and utter pain! After lunch I could barely walk and I had to ask my friends to drive me home.
I get home, call my mom and was like FUUUUUUUUUU** MY FOOT HURTS! COME HOME!!
She finally did and I was screaming and freaking out and was a hot mess!
So, my lovely mother and sister try to help me get to the car but every hop and jump was more and more screaming. So, that didn't work.
They sat me down, and my mom called the paramedics to come and save the day and OOOH DID THEY EVER!!! :D
I'm talking HOT! GORGEOUS! SEXY! MEDICS! :D
They made every pain worth it. :)
But anywho, they came by and examined me and told me I needed to go to the hospitals E.R. I was just like whatever as long as they help me get to the car :D Which they did! :) IT WAS AWESOME!
Buuut, then they had to leave me, and the pain was back again.

So, we get to the hospital and my favorite line of the day was...

Hospital guy: on a scale of 1-10 how bad is the pain?
Me: 9
Mom: If this is a 9, what was it at home???
Me: a 14

So they take me to get some x-rays and they come in with the good news and the bad news.
Good: its not broken! WOOH PARTY YAY WOOH!
Bad: its a bad sprain.... &%@$!




My gorgeous foot and its brace :(




Me at the hospital [the worst picture everrr]

I had to miss my first pep assembly as a senior..singing with my choir at the assembly...and just an awesome school day. But today, I am going to face my foot and go to 2 of my friends birthday parties.
Wish me luck...

And I think this is proof that I am..
learningasigo.