It's Killing Me

Lets make a lovely list of the things I'm taking away, or decreasing slowly, from my life.
Because at the end of the day it isn't doing me any good, it's a downfall, or it's simply killing me.
Disclaimer : Somewhat over dramatized :)

McDonalds is killing me : No more! Fast food can be an every now and then thing, but it will not be the whole freaking meal, and it will be a small. The money adds up, and every time it is consumed, it slows me down. It's killing me.

Heart ache is killing me : Eew. OVER IT. I'm so happy with my boyfriend, he is wonderful and supports everything I do. Even my love for Max Adler. I'm keeping us strong and healthy. And any heart ache or regrets I had, they are gone. Because they were killing me.

Sitting around all day : If I have nothing to do, If I have no class or I'm not working until that night and I notice I'm just sitting around, I need to find something productive to do. If there is really nothing, OFF TO THE GYM! I'm finally back on that track and I've been going. Very happy to get back on there. But no more just sitting there! It does nothing for me.

Spending money I don't have : KILLING my checking account. Saving up a ton of money and doing something fabulous and special for me with it. No more buying crap I don't need. And going to try only spending on food when I'm out with a friend or something. No more few dollars here, and a few there. It adds up!

This one is really personal... Don't judge me.
Throwing up my food... : I do it sometimes, when I feel guilty about what I've eaten. And every time I do, I hate myself. I know it's horrible, I know it's gross. But it's desperation. It's been going on a few months. Amazing what pressure and bullying can do to someone, even when they are so motivated to help others and change. But I have to stop it, it's killing me.

Lack of sleep: I NEED more sleep! I can't do the 5 or 6 hours anymore. I need to go to bed at a good time and wake up at a decent time. Starting tomorrow I guess, seems that it's 1:30 a.m. right now..

NEGATIVITY : I can't listen to the negativity anymore. I can't think that way and I can't listen to it. I hear people all over facebook, twitter, youtube, and all around me, talking about fat people. I hear the verbal abuse, the name calling, the picking on. And I've had enough. I am not going to let that poison effect my life and what I've accomplished thus far.

I have more to do, and more to work on to give myself a better life. I'm going to start a P90X or Insanity sort of thing soon, and go to the gym at LEAST every other day. No more excuses. No more bad stuff infecting my lifestyle.
Here's to making it better. Videos will be up soon about the holidays and New Years resolutions!

I love you all so much!

-Alexa Starky

All the song lyrics I want to post on facebook. More to add later.

You know when you can easily quote something, and you're dying to put it on facebook, but there are just too many? Well, I feel that way everyday. So, I decided I will make a blog with all the songs stating how I feel. May seem a little bipolar, but hey, what else is knew?
P.S. More will come. Love you all.

You're not sure that you love me but you're not sure enough to let me go, baby it aint fair ya know to just keep me hanging round. - Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers

I just want to be free, I just want to be me. - Hair by Lady Gaga

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles its a very, very, mad world. - Mad World by Gary Jules

In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay. So I won't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away....
Time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse.
All this money can't buy me a time machine. No. Can't replace you with a million rings. No. I should have told you what you meant to me. Because now I pay the price....
- The one that got away by Katy Perry (Favorite song at the moment)

I learned love is like a brick you can build a house or sink a dead body - Judas by Lady Gaga

Oh, sometimes, I get a good feeling. Yeah. I get a feeling that I never ever ever had before, no no. I get a good feeling, yeah! - Good Feeling by Flo Rida

Bless your soul you got your head in the clouds you made a fool out of me and boy your bringing me down you made my heart melt and your cold to the core but rumour has it I'm the one your leaving her for.. - Rumour Has It by Adele

My hands, their strong. But my knees were far to weak. To stand in your arms without falling to your feet. Set Fire to the Rain by Adele

Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start. -The Scientist by Coldplay

When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep. Dreamed of para para paradise. - Paradise by Coldplay

I could have been a princess, you'd be a king. Could have had a castle, worn a ring but no. You let me go. And stole my star. Because you really hurt me. - Princess of China by Coldplay.

Mr playing games only got yourself to blame when you want me back again but I aint coming back again. - Mr. Know It All by Kelly Clarkson

It's been a long time since I came around, been along time but I'm back in town. And this time I'm not leaving without you. - You and I by Lady Gaga

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing, funny when you're dead how people start listening.... - If I die Young by The Band Perry

We could have had it all rolling in the deep. You had my heart inside of your hand. But you played it, with a beating. - Rolling in the Deep by Adele

I'm not loving you the way I wanted to. What I had to do had to run from you. I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong, and it haunted me all the way home.
I'm not loving you the way I wanted to. See I wanna move, but can't escape from you, So I keep it low. Keep a secret code, so no one else don't have to know. - Love Lockdown by Kanye West

I make believe, that you are here. It's the only way I see clear. What have I done, you seem to move on easy. And every time I try to fly I fall without my wings. I feel so small, I guess I need you baby. And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face, you're haunting me. I guess I need you baby. - Every Time by Britney Spears

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone but though you're still with me. I've been alone all along. - My Immortal by Evanescence

Regrets and mistakes they're memories made. Who would have known how bitter sweet this would taste. Never mind I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don't forget me I beg I remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. - Someone Like You by Adele