Stop Multiplying!

I know, I know. It has been awhile. Well, I have been busy! But check out what I have achieved since school started..
1. PRESIDENT OF THE DRAMA CLUB!
2. TOP CHOIR SECRETARY!
3. SECRETARY OF ALL 4 CHOIRS!
4. and found out that my white blood cell count has risen yet again.
This usually means that they are fighting an infection, but of course, there are no infections to be found. What is that?! So lame.
So still no answers.

Anywho..
This year is scaring me. I feel like I am going to be expecting too much after I graduate. I can't afford to live in California. I can't assume I'm ready for a world full of fashion and makeup. I feel like, like I don't think it will work out. So many of my passions have been demolished these past few years that I don't know what to do anymore.
There are so many responsibilities and processes you have to go through as a senior and I feel like I'm going through enough already.

I'm trying to make weight watchers work, but I don't feel it working and I don't feel the drive that I used to. I'm trying, but, I'm not enjoying it..
Any advice? I would appreciate it.
-learningasigo

Me - 5 lbs. > My confidence. = Weight Watchers Works!

If you understood that math equation I tried so greatly to create, Yes! It has been done! I lost 5 pounds! Oh..wait for it, wait for it...
IN 1 WEEK! Yay! This gained my self confidence, hence the equation, which means that Weight Watchers really works!
I thought I had probably gained a pound at last nights meeting just because I haven't been on board. But, man oh man, it felt good when she said that I lost 5 pounds in 1 week. I almost never talk at meetings but at this one I felt really into it. Like I could relate and share my 18 point coffee stories. I feel like I belong now. :)
I know what a lot of people are saying. 'Durrrr 5 isn't that much, durrrr.'
Uhh, you carry a 5 pound weight and see how long it takes until your arm gets tired. Oh yeah! :)
Honestly, the different foods, the different portions, the exercise, it has all helped. Weight Watchers helped! It keeps you aware and you learn new habits. It's crazy but it is a great feeling and I am now even more motivated.
I couldn't be happier. :)

School starts up again in less than a week. I'm going to be a SENIOR! :D I am so excited to go sing and dance again in choir and lead the drama club as their new president! Class...not so excited for.
But I am glad because I think during school my weight loss will be greater because I'm dancing in choir everyday and not snacking as much, plus I am going to be working hopefully so I will have my mind set on other things as well.
I really am looking fore ward to this. I feel good. I wonderful. I feel like, this might actually get me somewhere...no surgery needed? We will see. Because, for a long time now, that is all I thought would work. I was interested in getting the Lap band which they just put around you to trick your stomach into being full and you lose the weight with diet and exercise over time.
I am still interested in that, but we will have to see where weight watchers takes me these next few months!

I cannot believe how amazing this all is. I gain a follower everytime I hop on here and I am really beginning to feel like I could change forever.

Senior year, HERE I COME!
I'm back, I'm ready, and I am..
-learningasigo :)

Who made up the word FAT anyway?

Who decided that FAT was going to be the negative word of the social vocabulary book?
Fat is just ugly. The word I mean. It's not fun to say, it's not a good way to look at it. It is not the way you should think of someone!
A wonderful and dear person in my life, my therapist [aka, my SAVIOR!] gave me a book to read titled Fat is a Feminist Issue...The Anti-Diet Guide to Permanent Weight Loss written by Susie Orbach. I just got the book maybe 2 hours ago and I'm not too far into it, but the book is amazing! The first page gives insightful information!
There was a specific section in the beginning I would like to share and just put out there for everyone to hear and understand.

'Overeating and obesity have been reduced to character defects, rather than perceived as the expression of painful and conflicting experiences.'

EXACTLY! Like hello!!!! I'm so tired of being looked at like I DID SOMETHING WRONG! LIKE I FAILED! LIKE I DON'T BELONG BECAUSE I HAVE MORE OF A STOMACH THAN YOU!!!
Like get with it people! I cannot stress this enough!
And I wish, I REALLY WISH, that some of the people who enjoy making fun of me and looking at me funny in school would read this and get it through their thick heads that I, and every other overweight woman out there IS JUST LIKE YOU BUT MORE HUMBLE AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND LOVE AND APPRECIATION LIKE WE DO!
...that was my rant for the day.. If more ranting comes, do not be surprised.

The last quote I am going to give from this book is my favorite so far and everything I have ever though of being overweight is in this one statement.

'Fat is a social disease, and fat is a feminist issue. Fat is NOT about lack of self-control or lack of will power. Fat is about protection, sex, nurturing, strength, boundaries, mothering, substance, assertion, and rage.'

Yes...Yes it is GOSH DARN IT! [I would have said something more harsh if I didn't have family reading this ;)]
I just don't understand why I, at age 17, who has been through a lot in just a few years, has to be put down like I am..just for what I look like.
I don't want to be looked at like I failed. I don't want people to see me and say 'oh she failed because she didn't treat her body right' or something ridiculous. Feelings, and cluelessness, and self anger has led me to who I am. BUT, so has love, lessons, learning, creation, and meaning!

I'm a human being and I am tired of being looked at like I'm FAT. Because being fat is over! I will change this and I am inspired to change the world and to change what people see when they see the word FAT or a FAT person. This will end...And my end, begins now.
thank you...
and I really am..
-learningasigo