I'm just a trainwreck.

Why?
Why do the best things always have to end sometime or another? Why are there always a 'see you later' or 'goodbye' involved in the sweetest of gifts. Why can't the best things just remain.
For example, that boy up there with me, yeah the one to your left, thats my boyfriend. That one guy with the cool shirt is the best thing that ever walked into my life. He is the best person that I have ever talked to. And he...likes me?! What? I always ask myself..what does he see in me? I'm the weirdo with a blog about how nutty life is and how struggling weight is. I'm the weird girl who is so bright in front of friends but a wallflower around strangers. The only people who I can truly cry around is him and my mom. What could he see in me?
And he tells me everyday, that he just loves me, for me. ME! Like, finally! I have had SO many crushes and confused feelings about who I really am! I just about gave up for the rest of my high school career until he popped up on my facebook account..

This blog isn't to vent anything or to explain my exercise issues or my struggle to lose what I really hate about me. This is just..to talk. To kind of get everything out of the pit of my stomach.
I like kind of..talking to no one here. I like having to just say what I feel then not have anyone talking back or saying 'I know how you feel' because no one does. No one that I know of, knows exactly how it is to have everything they could ever ask for right in there arms..and have it hop on an airplane. December seems so far away. I guess I'm just so lucky to have open arms from family and friends. I know I will feel that way when I adjust back into the reality I've always had. It's just hard to do when all you've had for a whole month was a smile.

Anywho, I did my ritual today. Every single time I leave him or he leaves me, I dye my hair dark dark dark black. I feel ugly every time he is gone because I feel like a big part of me is gone. So, I change something. And it has always been my hair. I don't feel like I usually do when I have completed my hair anti-depression makeover. I still feel icky inside. That is the only way to describe it. I am just...icky.

I really wouldn't mind if I got some kind words in my comments for this blog. I think the nice things can rebuild me up and put some more smiles on my face.
Just to be me, I'm going to put up some of the pictures, kind of like a yearbook, of my times with Eian. Just to have something to look back on. Hope you guys like it.
Keep in touch..
Thanks for actually listening readers. Thank you so much.
-learningasigo [even though it's getting really hard..]













I love you babe. I miss you.

That dinner was how many points?!

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!
Ok, let me rephrase that.. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN ON VACATION! Pointing with Weight Watchers requires labels, and specific numbers. When you are out on the town eating whatever with who knows how many servings, it is truly impossible. Sooo, I am trying by best to be smart when it comes to food choices but...Starbucks without whip cream is like...STARBUCKS WITHOUT WHIP CREAM! It just cannot happen!!
Here is my advice for the Weight Watchers diet rant..
-If I'm going to do this right and successfully, then I will not go on vacation ever again. I'm worried about my moment of truth on monday night at the meeting. I don't want to gain or maintain this way my first week! It's hard! There are a lot of numbers to this and it isn't something to guesstimate. It's lame! When I get home, double the excersize and double the fruit! Bring it on!-

Anywho,
My vacation (besides the incorrect counting) has been wonderful! I am in paradise with my lovely family and my beloved boyfriend. It's everything I could ask for! A pool (good for the excersize as well as relaxing), a jacuzze (relaxing time with the man), an excersize room (that I've only been in 1 time), a starbucks (again, not good for the Weight Watching), the best shower ever!!!!, and all the virgin pina coladas I could ask for. I am going to my brand new home tomorrow to sign the lease with my family and that is super exciting.

I feel like it is the perfect time. New me, new goal, new food, why not a new house to go along with it?! I like change and this is gonna be big!
I am looking foreward to it.

You know what I am NOT looking foreward to?? My boy leaving me..He only has 2 more days here. It kills me inside thinking of a single moment without him. I'm going to walk into my den and when he isn't there playing his video games like I have grown so used to, I don't know what I will do. It's a shame that I don't really know anyone who has a long distance thing like I do. Because no one really understands what I go through but us two. All I do know is that the day he leaves, I wont be counting my ice cream points, and my hair will be very very very black (I dye my hair every time he leaves or I leave him. It's like an anti-depresant to change). It will be a hard day and just a warning, the blog that day wont be the happiest and most sarcastic.

Until then, I'm gonna go get starbucks with my babeeee, and try my best to say no to the whip cream. Wish me luck.
-learningasigo.

First Weight Watchers meeting, Check!

The first stop on the weight loss train has been done. Yes, that's right, I went to my very first EVER weight watchers meeting today! And here comes my rant of the blog. My Weight Watchers experience rant.
-If you are going to do ANY sort of diet, try Weight Watchers first! It is a diet that not only keeps the calories away from your tummy, but it teaches you life long lessons about measuring and how important portions and good choices are. That is the magnificent part of the process. It promises weight loss and consistency because you become immune to it (that is if you keep at it and stay focused). The simplicity of tracking points and counting easy numbers and KNOWING your limits is pretty much genius! I'm crazy excited to start Weight Watchers tomorrow (yes, tomorrow, because I just had a massive carne asada burrito that I do NOT want to put on my tracker) and start a new life. A healthier life. A happier, feeling better, more energized, less hungry, no more guilt feeling, more fulfilling LIFE! :)-

And there you go.

Now, this won't be easy for me. A lot of people don't know this, but, I'm not very good at limits. Well everyone knows that but I like to pretend they don't :)
Anywho, this whole thing will take dedication! Learning! Caution! Feeling! Instinct! AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS TELLING ME NOT TO EAT THAT!!!!
I'm serious! Those who know me, just, knock the food out of my hand if you have to. I will complain and say "oh just this one time to splurge! Just one time!" and you will say "THAT IS SOMETHING A CRACK ADDICT WOULD SAY! NO! NO! NO!" :)
Thank you to those who will actually do this.
Because I will need help and guidance and knowledge from those around me to give me a bigger reason to keep this up.

So now it begins! A whole new me! ( Well, starting tomorrow because my eyebrow appointment is tomorrow at 10..so, I will be a whole new me then. ;D) I will throw away all of the bad food and bad habits and THIS WILL WORK! WOOH! :D

Anywho, I am going to a fabulous resort tomorrow with the family and the food will be tempting, but I will blog everyday (yes I've said that before, but I really will this time!) and eat all the fruit I can.

I'm ready!
Stay in touch :)
-learningasigo
^and getting there :)

What is this?! True Blood?!

Where do I begin with this blog? How about this. I went to the doctor..a few times...more than 1...and 4. Oh and btw, I got blood drawn. A few times. Like a vampire, constantly wanting more. I'm obviously SO addicting. My blood is just DRAWN to by these doctors, they just keep wanting more.
That was my rant of the blog.
But, anywho.
It's been a journey since I've come back home from my San Fran lover boy vacation. Full of doctors, needles, Starbucks hangovers, gluten confusion, and the gym. What a life I live. I, however, shouldn't be complaining [BUT I WILL!!] because I went to my mom's looney doctor with her, and I'm not the one begging for percoset. So I guess, it could be worse..kinda.
With my doc, however, SOOOO many unanswered questions that I wish would never pop up. Like, can you not tell me whats going on, cause, it's only confusing me more. My doctor mentions something about my blood cells being like apples and grapes, and that is all I really got out of her. So, I'm not the one to go to for information about my problems unless you want to hear that I am filled with a huge fruit salad and my blood loss is in more containers than in my body.
I have to get x-rays, and see specific blood doctors that I can't pronounce, and the journey continues. Bring on the Starbucks!! [White mocha frapp light w/ no whip], I'm trying my best at weight watchers.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING! My first ever weight watchers meeting in my whole life, WAS CANCELED! It's a sign!! That my weight wasn't gonna be good, or I shouldn't go at all [but I'm going to anyway, because I have to, for me. I keep telling myself that, it's not really working ;)].
Anywho.
Back to True Blood. I don't watch the show but I do know that the jars these doctors used on me, WERE FROM THE SHOW! The replica! This was just yesterday when I got my blood drawn, yet again, and again, oh and again. But this time, there was A TWIST! They took blood in jars, BIG jars. From both arms! At the SAME time! I looked like I was being nailed to the cross in 1800 B.C. and if anyone was curious, it does hurt.

If you read this whole thing, you are my best friend :) Because this blog is the best healer and my mom and I are laughing as I type. The following and the growing of people talking about my blog, is the BEST! I would be drawing more blood on myself if I didn't have this. Why you ask? Because then, I would die. Just like I feel every time I go into True Blood mode at the doctor.
I'm grateful for my doctors, SO grateful. But, could you use a little less blood?!
Keep in touch.
-learningasigo

My Bad..

Ehhh woopsy.
I haven't exactly been wringing too often. With the California thing and the boyfriend thing, ya know. I've been a little off. So, whats knew with me? Glad you asked!
My boy actually came back to Arizona with me! For 3 wholes weeks [2 weeks left]. YAY
I have been eating well and gluten free. Despite the fact that it is difficult and makes me want to slaughter a bread loaf sometimes, it hasn't been too harsh...Ok, I lied. You caught me. It sucks!!
But I'm living.

I got my OTHER vampire shot done and left yet ANOTHER bruise. But the tables have turned with this one. Why? Because it is on my LEFT arm, rather than the usual RIGHT arm. Man when I was getting my shot, I was like a fish out of water! I was chugging water hoping it would hydrate me and have the doctor find my veins at least a tad bit better. It did! That's right! Only 1 poke! IT'S A RECORD!

I feel the weight slowly being lost. I feel my pants getting a wee bit looser [but in all the wrong places] and I am doing MUCH better when it comes to work outs. I guess all the pain and suffering and stress it all causes comes out in my work out. I have no idea what I am doing and well, 15 minutes later I biked 20 some miles. I have also been swimming a lot, especially while my boy is here. Although I tend to get lost in his eyes at times, I try my best to swim and do some water cardio sometimes.

My first weight watchers meeting will be this monday. Which is exciting! I have a feeling that without the wheat option and with counting the points, my weight loss will go much faster and I will be a happy camper.

My family sold our home and we are packing up the house. It's a weird and fairly sad change but exciting at the same time. But the stress and rush of such a rapid change tends to make me want to pull my hair out. Thank god for my rather lazy state of mind or it would have been blown up by now :)

But overall, I'm sorry for not blogging as much and I will continue to write more and more. I will keep you posted about my first ever weight watchers meeting! WHOOP!
-learningasigo